In recent years studies have shown the harmful affects that the large amount of meat consumption has on our planet. This hurts me deeply. I have loved the livestock industry my whole life. I love the cows that I raise now. I have spent my whole life trying to be right were I am at this very moment. I am standing in my pasture watching my cows recline in the shade in the tall, cool grass while their calves prance around me. I am preparing to spend the next week in this very position. My life’s goal is to make a living at this very act. As I read the reports of harm created by commercial ag, I can think that it is not me. I am a small time operator. Those guys are creating the problem not me. But I am a link in their chain. I buy (and sell) their products. I sell them my calves.
I hate the fact that my desire feeds their system. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. It is these times where the other struggles in life don’t drown this out that I can ponder where I am and where I am going and where I should be going. As with all important things, there is no easy answer. I am a visionary. I can see where I want to be, but I can’t see the path. It reminds me of when I used to drive a tow truck in college. I spent many hours driving down familiar roads, but when I lifted my gaze past the hood of my truck I could see the beauty of Missouri. You would be surprised how far you can see from sections of I-70. But you have to remember you are on I-70. Even now, my eyes wander to the far flung skylines.
I wanted to express the cognitive dissonance of being an environmentally conscious cattleman, but I think I may have failed. I long for a time when a farm could pay for a farm. When you only needed 40 acres to provide for a family. When life started and ended in the same place (for people and animals). When we had sustainable agriculture. That has not been in my lifetime, my parent’s lifetime and only a portion of my grandparent’s. So I see my choices as behaving like the majority of american’s and pretending there is no elephant in the room or changing what I do in a drastic way. I don’t know what that entails. I can see the endpoint, but no path.
I hate the fact that my desire feeds their system. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. It is these times where the other struggles in life don’t drown this out that I can ponder where I am and where I am going and where I should be going. As with all important things, there is no easy answer. I am a visionary. I can see where I want to be, but I can’t see the path. It reminds me of when I used to drive a tow truck in college. I spent many hours driving down familiar roads, but when I lifted my gaze past the hood of my truck I could see the beauty of Missouri. You would be surprised how far you can see from sections of I-70. But you have to remember you are on I-70. Even now, my eyes wander to the far flung skylines.
I wanted to express the cognitive dissonance of being an environmentally conscious cattleman, but I think I may have failed. I long for a time when a farm could pay for a farm. When you only needed 40 acres to provide for a family. When life started and ended in the same place (for people and animals). When we had sustainable agriculture. That has not been in my lifetime, my parent’s lifetime and only a portion of my grandparent’s. So I see my choices as behaving like the majority of american’s and pretending there is no elephant in the room or changing what I do in a drastic way. I don’t know what that entails. I can see the endpoint, but no path.
2 comments:
Well expressed; I feel the tension. For different reasons, I left agriculture as a way of life, so I understand a little bit of what you're saying. With no capital but dirt "in my blood" farming was back-breaking to get into and heart-breaking to get out of. Even though I love my job now, there is a lot about farming I miss. But most days I think it's nature that I miss more than farming itself.
When you talk about life starting and ending in the same spot, it sounds like you're yearning for simplicity - and agriculture is a model of simplicity that we know, or at least seems like the most likely path to simplicity. Now that I'm a confirmed city-dweller, I'm learning how to live the same "farming" values right here in the city: Respect for my neighbors, respect for Mother Earth, and living on what I have. Part of that includes supporting my neighbors who - like you - are growing food in an environmentally conscious way. Part of that means getting into nature as often as possible, whether biking to work or hiking in local parks or in the Rockies or a run on the city trail. Part of that means living in a community of neighbors that's much smaller than the city around us.
My thoughts about the bigger picture of commercial ag are sketchy. Those of us in the city cannot grow our own food (I'm only allowed 1 chicken and a garden). And for low-income people everywhere, it's a life-giving benefit to spend a low percentage of their income on food. So there is a lot of benefit from macro farming. And many of the current problems originate in decisions that seemed like good decisions at the time. So rather than a judgment of the past, it seems more of a challenge for the future: How can we sustain the benefits (as much as possible) while working toward eliminating the problems? We need visionaries from all disciplines to help us find the way...
I hear your cognitive dissonance, and I think I understand. While it seems so counterintuitive to think that a farm is harmful to the environment, I am glad that farmers like you are aware and willing to address the issue.
Do you feed your cows any differently to reduce their emissions? Just curious how you are approaching the problem for VFF.
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